Instruktioner til air-conditioning-anlæg i japansk hotelværelse: Cooles or Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

I billetkontoret hos et luftfartselskab i København: We take your luggage and send it in all directions.

Hos en skrædder i Hong Kong: Ladies are invited to have a fit upstairs.

I en hotelfoyer i Bukarest: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

Reklame for en tandlæge i Hong Kong: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

I en kreditforening: Ask about our plans for owning your home.

I et ærværdigt gammelt renseri i New Mexico: Thirty-eight years on the same spot.

På et hvilehjem i New York: For the sick and tired of the Episcopalian Church.

I en rutchebane i et tivoli: Watch your head.

Dommeren instruerer det unge vidne.
Q: And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral.
A: Oral.
Q: How old are you?
A: Oral.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies have been on dead people.

Q: Have you ever beaten your wife?
A: No. I might slap her around a little, but I have never beaten her.

Q: You say you're innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal the watch.
A: Your honor, I can produce 500 people who didn't see me steal it.

Q: Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning persuant to the deposition notice I sent to your attorney last week?
A: No. This is how I dress when I go to work.

John has been absent beacuse he had two teeth taken off his face.

Please excuse Ray for being absent Friday. He had diahre dyare direa the shits.